Blog

 While each school year offers a new beginning, we still take all of our habits and personalities with us. Therefore, reflecting on and supporting our children’s unique habits, personalities, preferences, struggles and strengths is crucial to helping them succeed. 

As parents, we are also going through this transition and re-entry! so it is important to reflect on your own habits, strengths, limitations, and tendencies and how they tend to impact your kids. When we do this, we can then plan for predictable, expected struggles and setbacks…and, even better, also plan for solutions. 

A powerful strategy you can use to plan for the expected and predictable struggles is the practice of “pause, reflect, plan.” 

• What are your worries? 
• What do your kids typically need in the first weeks of school? 
• What are you feeling?
• What do you hear from the kids about how they are feeling? 
• What are some typical ways of coping with stress and distress? 
• What helps you? 
• What helps the kids? 
• What do you need in order to be an available, calm, connected parent? 

Pausing, reflecting, and then planning to make sure our own needs and concerns are addressed can make a big difference in how we parent. When we do this, we can be available and ready (present, calm, kind) to respond to our kids’ needs.

For example, you may have a child who is anxious about starting a new grade. You might prepare for this by making time in your schedule, heart, and mind to allow for:

• dropping a brief note in their backpack
• surprising them with a favorite snack,
• engaging in “together time” when your child gets home,
• spending extra time to choose outfits the night before school,
• asking gentle questions about what was enjoyed and experienced through the day, etc. 

There’s a rhythm to our concerns, things are often more difficult and frustrating in the beginning. As we practice and better understand the expectations, things get easier and often more enjoyable—that’s Growth Mindset in action!

Routines are incredibly helpful and important as we begin the new year. Routines set us up for success, allow us to learn new habits, and can be revised as circumstances change. It’s helpful to talk about the changes from summer to school year, including the feelings about those changes, and then develop clear, reasonable routines to support the transition to school. There are:

• routines for our bodies—sleep schedules, nutrition, exercise, and hygiene; and 
• routines for our minds and spirits—connection, friendships, gratitude, and extra curriculars. 

All of these components of caring for ourselves have a huge influence on our mood, ability to learn, and ability to tolerate distress. All routines benefit from starting slowly and revising as we go. Building in frequent planned times to check in with your child helps tremendously.

We all know that each year will bring both ups and downs, successes and challenges. While, we usually know how to celebrate success, how best to respond during a challenge can be more difficult.

Validation is one strategy for responding effectively when our kids are upset or worried. It allows us to hear concerns without needing to change how anyone feels and allows us to respond with kindness and understanding before trying to contain or solve a problem.

Here are some phrases that people use in validating:

• It sounds like that was hard
• I see/hear that you’re struggling
• You are not alone, other people feel that way, too
• You matter to me and I want to help
• Would you like to be held, heard, or helped right now?

None of us are alone in finding new beginnings both exciting and also challenging!Hopefully these strategies can help set a compassionate tone and help you successfully manage the transition back to school! If you face challenges that feel too overwhelming to you or your children, the team at FSC is here to help!