While holidays can be a very joyous time, they are also a time when emotions often run high.
Add in multiple intense and divisive current events, unresolved past family conflicts, strong personalities, and a few beverages, and you may end up with moments that become very difficult to navigate.
Keep reading for tips from FSC therapists on weathering these (more common than ever) holiday occurrences.
Plan ahead
Reflect, in advance, on your expectations for upcoming holiday gatherings and then prepare yourself to participate in ways that are healthy for you. Do you have choices about where you go and how you celebrate? Can you choose celebrations that are warm and welcoming and in a supportive place to be? If so, these may be the best option for you.
If you feel obligated to attend celebrations that you worry will include at least a few difficult moments to manage, here are some tips to consider:
Know Yourself
Reflect and identify which people and what topics typically can create a strong and negative reaction in you. While it may be important to address these topics, holiday gatherings are probably not the best time to do so. With this considered, create a plan to manage various situations.
Prepare
Can these topics be avoided all together? For example, you might…
- plan for and initiate conversation starters that involve celebrating common ground with others and that engender a sense of connection and positive feelings (e.g., a shared funny memory);
- rely on old or start new family traditions like playing games, volunteering, visiting holiday displays, etc.; and/or
- practice gratitude proactively by sharing your appreciation for loved ones and inviting others to do the same.
When faced with difficult conversation topics you might consider the following options:
- Redirecting the conversation when you see it moving towards controversial topics;
- Setting boundaries to clearly, but gently communicate that you are not interested in engaging in conversations about X, Y, or Z;
- Rehearsing responses to topics you anticipate you will be challenged on, allowing you the opportunity to respond calmly and firmly with clarity; and
- Using healthy coping strategies that will calm your nervous system during these times such as deep breathing, positive self-talk, and/or mindfulness strategies.
Another option is creating a plan to remove yourself entirely. Can you plan just to step away for a few moments and take time to center and calm yourself? Be sure to connect with safe and supportive loved ones among the group – people who you know are in your corner and understand and appreciate you.
All of us at Family Service Center wish you a happy and emotionally healthy Thanksgiving holiday filled with all that makes you joyful this time of year. If you need support during the season, our team of experts are here to help.
